I'm in the school library like RIGHT NOW. And I'm happily writing this entry.
The rain in the morning was really chilling. I liked it.
During chapel, I listened to this talk about managing stress in God's way.
Totally USELESS in terms of dealing with stress I must say. I hate the way the preacher used anecdotes with questionable validity and manipulated scriptures to bring about his ideas. The content was not much connected with stress anyway.
ANYWAY, his sermon had a lot of good insights, though it had nothing to do with stress.
Actually, this is just another person with a perfect life trying to teach others about dealing with stress. Well, these types of successful people have no idea what depression really is. I mean, he told us he had scholarship, he was offered to study higher, he is a Dr.! I think he is successful.
One of his anecdotes about a man going to see a psychiatrist was quite ridiculous. I think this was just another make-up story. A patient went to the psychologist, telling his life was terrible. The psychologist helped him realized that he has a family, children, friends, blah blah blah and the depressed man went “hallelujah! Praise the Lord!” and ran out of the room.
Come on. So cheesy. I think that man was retarded rather than depressed. And I don’t think anyone can just run off a psychologist’s office just like that. I mean, a session costs about 80-120 SDG, would the doctor let you run off that easily? I don’t think so.
Well. I did take some learning points with me. I learned something about PERSPECTIVE and HABIT. Thanks to Grace, who nudged me and woke me up from my sleep.
GOSH. I did not sleep last night.
Chapel this morning reminds me of one post in my other depressed blog.
First, let me ask you something. What do you think about these men:
Abraham Lincoln
Vincent Van Gogh
Ernest Hemingway
American poet and Pulitzer Prize winner Robert Lowell
American artist Jackson Pollock
'Sophie's Choice' author William Styron
'Nirvana' lead singer Kurt Cobain
Jim Carrey - the comedian
I posted this on the other blog on March 24. This is what I wrote:
Well. I dunno why Newsweek is suddenly filled with topics on depression.
Anyway, it helps to know about this thing, cos trust me, you will never want to experience it in your life.
Y newsweek open this topic? Their reason: " It's wrong that less men suffer from depression than women do, they are just better at hiding it."
Here are the extracts:
MOODY BOY BLUES
For decades, psychologists believed that men
experienced depression at only a fraction of the rate of women. But this overly
rosy view, doctors now recognize, was due to the fact that men were better at
hiding their feelings. Only in modern times has the stigma surrounding
depression and mental illness in men begun to lift. We take a look at some of
history's greatest male leaders, artists and entertainers who silently suffered
from depression behind the guise of their talents.
Although fairness, equity and strength of character were
defining features of Abraham Lincoln's personality, he was also known by many in
his adult life for his constantly melancholic state, which many say began with
the death of his mother when he was 9 years old
My comment: I want to be
great like him, but without the melancholic state.
'Self-Portrait with Bandaged Ear' by Vincent Van Gogh depicts
the artist soon after he cut off his own ear, allegedly as a gift for a love
interest. Having suffered from psychotic episodes as well as depression
throughout his life, he committed suicide in 1890 at the age of 37.
My
comment: My favorite artist. My hero when I was a kid and intrigued by his art.
Sadly, he chose to end his life. I seriously don't want an ending like his. The
song "Vincent" says that: "They (the whole world) would not listen. They did not
know how. Perhaps they will listen now. For they could not love you. Though all
your love was true. And when no hope was left inside. On that starry starry
night. You took your life as lovers often do. But I could have told you Vincent.
This world has never meant for one as beautiful as you." I personally don't like
the last line. Everyone, once born into this world, has a purpose. He or she
deserves to be loved, to be heard. If only someone would have helped Van gogh,
if only would have helped Vincent; how many more great masterpieces the world
would have? Or even if he is not a great artist, he deserves to be understood by
someone, deserves to be happy. Vincent Van Gogh, my hero, if I could rewrite the
song, I would put "this world has always been for one as beautiful as you!"
American novelist Ernest Hemingway (in Idaho in 1939)
notoriously struggled with depression throughout his life. He died from a
self-inflicted shotgun wound to the head in 1961. Suicide plagued the Hemingway
family with the deaths of Hemingway's father, brother, sister and granddaughter,
supermodel Margaux Hemingway.
My comment: Again, why must you end your
life in such a tragic way?????? You showed the world what a great writer you
were, moved millions, taught millions to know really how to "live". Sadly, you
took away your very precious life.
American poet and Pulitzer Prize winner Robert Lowell was
hospitalized nearly 20 times for manic depression before his death in 1977
American artist Jackson Pollock (working in 1949), famous for
his drip paintings, struggled with depression throughout his life. He often said
he believed that the inspiration for his work came from the subconscious.
My comment: Well. When I'm in my depth of melancholy and desolation, I
always create amazing work of art, which later, when I'm stabilized, I always
wonder "How the hell did I do that?" PPl gawked at my work and all went "OMG.
Don, how did you do that? can I have it? or can you teach me how to do that?" I
seriously don't know ppl. I perfer not suffering from depression and create
nothing amazing rather than create artpieces with no equanimity of my mind.
Honestly.
'Recovery was not easy,' says astronaut Buzz Aldrin of his
struggles with alcohol and depression. ‘Perhaps the most challenging turnaround
was accepting the need for assistance and help. Looking back at it now--with
over 22 years of sobriety--this was probably one of my greatest challenges. But
it has also been one of the most satisfying because it has given me a sense of
comfort and ease with where I am now.'
'Depression is a physical
illness,' says Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Terry Bradshaw who lead his team
to victory in the 1979 Super Bowl. 'The beauty of it is that there are
medications that work. Look at me. I'm always happy-go-lucky, and people look at
me and find it shocking that I could be depressed.'
My comment: Hey.
What medications that worked for you? Mine seemed to be only to do 2 things: put
me to sleep and waste my money.
'Sophie's Choice' author William Styron wrote of his bout with
clinical depression in 'Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness,' in which he says
he trudged 'upward out of hell's black depths'
My comment: When I looked
at the title of the book and acknowledged that it is a philosophical book. I ran
away from it. I had no idea that the author has the same situation as me:
clinical depression. But will I ever truge "upward out of hell's black depths"
like him? I'll try to do that.
'Nirvana' lead singer Kurt Cobain famously committed suicide
at his home in Seattle in April 1994 after years of depression and drug
dependency
My comment: Don't ever use drugs, ppl.
Former CEO of
CNN Tom Johnson kept his struggle with depression a secret from the public, but
told Ted Turner when he was offered the CNN position.
Talk-show host
Dick Cavett (posing in 2005 in front of a TV displaying his 1971 interview with
John Lennon and Yoko Ono) says he first began dealing with depression soon after
he graduated from college in 1959. He took antidepressants off and on until 1980
when he tried electroshock therapy, which he says was 'miraculous.'
My
comment: I have a photo from the newsweek but dunno how to post here. Anyway,
kind of scary to hear the world "electroshock"
Although he used Prozac
for a period to combat his depression, comedian Jim Carrey said in a 2004
interview that he stopped taking the drug and instead drew strength from
spirituality
My comment: Jim Carrey is a great comedian. I cannot
believe that a person who brings laughters to other people also suffer from
depression. It really stretch it terrible hands to everyone.
In
conclusion, I hope I have the courage and the wisdom to overcome this crappy
depression I have. I dunno how. But a friend says that ppl can change, that ppl
are just trying to be excusers and not to be bigger than themselves, the
principal at the college quoted the exact same verse that my friend used to in
his post, and newsweek extend its hands to all the men with the same problem.
Maybe this is God's way to grant me the SERENITY. I have to try my best
to be courageous, to have the wisdom to be bigger than myself. I don't know how
but I'm aware that I have a life and I have to love it, to nurture it, and I
want to be a Big guy someday (not in term of height - omg I'm terribly short),
but who can do something GREAT.
My aspirations right now: build a home
for mom and dad, be a psychiatrist, find a cure for cancer (sounds cliche but I
really want to do this), be a teacher, be a good husband, a terrific and
understanding father or maybe just a guy who leads a righteous life, sing in a
jazz band, write a book, direct a movie.
Seriously, those may sound
stupid but I want to do them.
But first of all, I must try my best to
overcome the clutch of depression.
God help me!
I wrote this in March. And a lot of things have changed since then. Some of the points I wrote may not be valid anymore.
I'll end here.
Have to go for PE.
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