[an extraordinarily beautiful voice heard]

Today is an energy draining day.
I'm half dead at 6.20 pm, after my math SSP.
Studied Functions today, and it is so alarming that I don't have the basics.
At least now I understand a little more.

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When I pass through the second floor lift lobby on my way back. I heard an oh-gosh beautiful voice of an Acsian theatre member. She sounded so pro and charming. Suddenly, all my tiredness and sleepiness extinguished for a while. Wow. A beautiful voice can hold wonders for Don. It was a little-mermaid kind of sound, non-choral, very pure, pristine and gorgeous.

WOW.

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I had chem spa today. Drew the wrong comment.
What's done is done.
My academic side is rotting too much.
I must pray for strength.

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overall mood for today : ^.^

=]

hey everyone.

thank you all for your messages and tags. they help a lot =]

and THANK YOU for the early birthday present. So sorry for keeping you waiting for so long. I honestly didn't know you were waiting =[

The test tube is really nice =] and so is the card. THANK YOU =]

---------------------------------

the last week is quite futile. I tried to do all the homework but ended up tiring myself out and got nothing done properly.

The chem test was horrible. I thought I had prepared for it well. But not psychologically. Although everyone said it was not a difficult test, I think I failed it. I thought too much and did not see the obvious solutions to the questions posed. And I could not finish the whole paper on time.

One word for me: PRACTICE

I'll have bio test this week. Studying hard for it. My aim: pass and get A for it.
Sound totally IMPOSSIBLE for Don but hey, there's still some 10% that I may get that result. Haha =]

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Today was kinda fun. i started Monday with an extremely heavy head cos i didn't sleep AT ALL the previous night. Forced myself to sleep but to no avail. And sleeping pills were out of the question for me. I spent the whole night trying to do the TYS chem questions, ended up spending 3 solid hours from 3-ish to 6-am to do THREE miserable questions. Anyway, I know that I could solve them in the end. That's what matters. At least I achieved something. At least the white night not wasted.

Singing in the morning calmed me down. Today is not the ensemble that I'm in, but yah, singing together with fellow choristers is something special. It's an intangible feeling of happiness and security and some other feelings I can't express in words.

The speaker for Chapel was quite interesting. I admit that I blanked out quite a number of time due to the no-sleep night, I managed to catch some interesting things she shared about the introvert boy who thought the whole world want to persecute him, although that was not the truth. Somehow the story reminded me of myself, haha.

And I think she had style. The suit and the brooch. CLASSY.

Then the day zoomed by. I didn't finish my GP essay so I had to stand in class. But I felt so thankful to my teacher for that. If she didn't make me stay, I would have fallen asleep. I hate white nights. Grr.

The last lesson of the day was PE. Interesting. We have been having Hip-Hop class for 2 weeks, and during warmup today, my teacher played Candyman and NASTY NAUGHTY BOY by Christina Aguilera. Though "Back to Basics" is my favorite Christina CD so far, I think it's quite interesting for a teacher to play Nasty Naughty Boy, considering the dirty lyrics and the sexual innuendos in the song. Wait, that's not even innuendos, that's re-enactment. Anyway, the class was fun, we learned a new choreography and danced to the tune of Smack That and So Scandalous, the types of songs that never appear in my itunes library.

Throughout the day, I met choristers here and there, and everytime I see them, I have a surge of security, familiarity, cheerfulness inside me ==

I had SSP after school. It was Economics. Learned a lot of stuff. Seriously. Though when it came to practicing, I still stumbled but anyway, i think things had improved. Thanks to Mrs Yap.

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MUST END HERE. BACK TO WORK =[

[I'm back]

yes i am

[emergency post]

i've just found out at 11:20pm that my interview is tmr.

I put my phone in the bag all the time and did not see the sms.

How should I feel right now!!!!

God. I pray for strength.

[just another post]

a lot of things have happened - i'll try to condense them here

My term exam results were a big fat tragedy:
GP: 44%
Bio: 41% - S
Chem: 35% - U
Econ: don't know yet, but confirm U
Math: 8% - U, and yes, you are not reading wrongly - i got EIGHT PERCENT for my maths papers.

>.<

I was very frightened and horrified at first. But after a while, miraculously, I've become calmer.
I resolved to accept all those scores and move on.
Anyway, it does suck to be looked at like some pathetic failure.
I have to work much much harder, and put in more efforts into my academic side.

However, this particular term exam let me experience these things:
. Flunking EVERYTHING.
. Being nagged, singled out.
. Late night jazz.
. Eating a lot of snacks.
. Mad revision before coming into the hall

::::

On Sunday, 8 July. I went to watch SYNERGY. The concert of Australian Boys Choir, The Vocal Consort and Young Voices of Melbourne.

OH. The performance was just so amazing. It felt really really good to watch such a concert. The cosy recital studio of The Esplanade made it felt more like a family gathering. A lot of choir buddies and seniors were there, and so were my choir conductor and teacher.

I was impressed by all the songs. I enjoyed myself very much. "Hide and seek" was amazing. They changed the title of the song "Riot and Seek" by Imogen Heap, a 2007 Grammy nominee. I was quite excited to hear the song as I personally like the song "Riot and Seek" very much. When I heard they introduced a pop song name "Hide and Seek, I thought "What song is that?". After the first few words: "Where are we. What the hell is going on ..." it turned out to be nothing other than "Riot and Seek". The three choirs had very different colours, but all the more they painted a vivacious picture of Australia. "Waltzing Matilda" renditions were adorable. It's so cute. Anyway, everytime I met an Australian, they always sang that song. Cool. The French and other language pieces were also marvellous.

::::
On Saturday. Had choir rehearsal and an exchange programme with the Australian Boys Choir and the Vocal Consort.
What a meaningful time!
It was really interesting.
The kids were just so talented.

::::..::::

That's all.
Au revoir.

[come behold what treasures lie]

far beyond the rolling waves

ebbing tides bear no delay

far away

where the rocks of coral grow

follow
follow

me

------

i just can't get enough of "A mermaid's song"

A lot of things happened on Sat. But i'm too tired to blog about it now. Gotta sleep. will blog later.

[happenings]

{i write names backwards to avoid the blogsearch engines - except for Nicole's name. cos i don't want to write happy birthday, elociN.}

::::

today was very very happening.

i worked on maths from 11 pm the previous night to 3.30 am this morning, on differentiation and i spent three hours trying to do ONE question with 6 parts. It was a really terrifying experience. I'm drained not just mentally but emotionally as well. That was just so SAD to go from someone who usually get As for maths in sec to one who cannot understand a tad about maths. It was a mixture of disappointment, bitterness, futility,... all together. And it is also so sad to have no one to share this with. I don't want to bother anyone with these things. I just keep bottle things up and making things worse for myself. This time I'll seek refuge in pouring them all out here. I know that no one would care, but at least things are not kept in my head.

Picture this: 3 am, a noD with a whole lot of draft papers around him, lights on, bocelli and classical music on headphone, struggling with maths questions. HOW SAD A SIGHT THAT WOULD BE! The good part is that i did not give up until i can solve them.

So I spent all the free time I have today to work on maths, copy math lecture notes, practice,... though i still take painfully slow to do one question, at least i know i can solve some maths problems now, and hopefully all my other problems in the long run...

The COOL things that happened today:
.today is NICOLE'S Birthday. nicolly cool.
.my roomate is the president of guitar ensemble. this is way so cool.
.had sectionals with sucram together with the 2 JJs. we worked on "a mermaid's song" and I know much much much more about this totally kickass song. Thanks to sucraM's passion and intepretations. He was giving us a whole lot of his views, as if he was pouring out all he knew about the songs, and voice, and everything about music. I feel blessed after the sectional. Seriously. Thank God for our SL and all the seniors.
.and lastly, i understand ALL the lectures today. This has not happened since I come to ACJC. SERIOUSLY. What a great feeling that is!

I'll go back to my maths stuff again.

mr mil's expression when he gave out my math papers was unbearable. I felt as if I had committed a crime against him.

This should not happen again.

Diffentiation and Inequalities, here I come.

Sigh.

[mermaid]

they are not fish

[back to slacking]

i hope i can get a ticket to "back to basics" of christina.
yah fat hope.

---

On friday night. I put my phone in the pants. Then I put my pants in the laundry bag. Then I put my laundry into the washing machine, followed by detergent and softener. I pushed the start button. The washing machine began to spin. My clothes were soaked wet with detergent and stuff.

And so was my PHONE.

The shorter version of what happened: I accidentally put my phone into the washing machine and now it's dead.

When I remembered about the phone, i was horrified. But when i took it out, i was so amused because it was vibrating NON-Stop with the screen light flickering.

Well, a normal, healthy, dry phone cannot do THAT.

I'm so proud of my phone.

However, as i saved all my contacts on the phone, now i lost track of EVERYONE.

Oh dear God,

Folks, i won't be contactable for a while.

---

Term exam is finally over.

But this is a very different feelings.

In the past, noD always know that he passed all the papers and may get As for his maths and sciences.
But this time, noD knows for sure that he has failed EVERYTHING with a slight, petite, small, wee chance that he would have passed biology.

For a student who has never failed a major exam for nearly 12 years, i think i should be really mad with myself, should feel really guilty about myself, should be terrified, dazed, stunned, ...

but I'm NOT.

So many things have happened since the release of my O level results. So many things that have crushed my feelings until the point that I've become quite callous to failures and minor pains now. It's so strange that all the dark past suddenly comes back so vividly to me THIS year, drowning me in fatigue and depression.

However, at this point in time, i can safely say that i'm so much calmer and more relaxed.

You know, when the pain doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. Someone told me that, which followed by a "yah rite" from me; but now, i think it's kinda true.

Maybe it's the music that has helped my to become more stable. I don't know. But i think it plays a big part too.

OK. I think after this big major failure. I need to shake myself out of this i-dont-care attitude and get some perspective about studying. I know this education system is so didactic and boring, but i know too that i have no choice but to LIVE with it for another 1.5 year, i might as well put in my best effort for it. Plus, i'm not used to letting people down, teachers included.

'A' level is a killer programme. IB is indeed the programme for the future.
Howver, both have its own pros and cons, i just have to put in my best for the course i'm in.
I wish i had been in acjc the first 3 months. That would have been great cos i wouldn't have to go through the pain of being kicked out of school, having everone looking at me as if i were some pitiful failure - "oh poor {nod}, what happened to him?", having to study 6 subjects at a less demanding - in terms of content, farewell those great teachers and friends i had there. And it means I would have been in the acjc choir for the first 3 months, how cool that would be!

Just some nostalgic moments, it's no good looking back and wish for things to happen differently. What's done is done!

---

Speaking of choir. it has been one good thing that keeps me going on for months.
I can't pinpoint exactly the reason why. But i feel that it does.
Is it the music? friends? seniors? teachers? motivators? guests? performance?
I think it was because of everything.
I do learn a lot.

Today i'm back to choir. What a wonderful experience. For all my friends who had to go back to school during the holidays for rehearsals, this might be just another rehearsal. But for me, who has not attended for quite some time, it is quite amazing.

Morning ensemble's majulah singapura, acs anthem a capella version. Check.
A new warmup exercise that is really effective for diaphragm. Simple but effective. Check.
Alumni Choir's songs, with mr tenor divaD selrahC. Check.
mr muS's here there and everywhere. Check.
en experience with mrs hoeT's conducting. Check.
and the most amazing of them all:

A MERMAID's SONG by Juha Holma.

I heard this song in acjc choir concert last year, when i was not part of the choir. It was a totally arousing song, appealing to all my senses. I was dazed by its beauty when i heard it. Juha Holma is quite a genius. I wonder how he visualize musically how this song was gonna be. He has painted the whole mystical underwater world.

JUST by MUSIC.

And what is more cool: i'm part of "a mermaid's song" today.

It's a simple song in terms of melody. I could get it quite fast. The range for tenor 1 is totally manageable for me.
but to achieve the effects that i heard during the performance last year, as well as bringing out the spirit of the song; i have a lot to learn and to work on. One word for me: PRACTICE.

The sliding part of the song somehow reminds me of the girls' songs for AEWF 07, and the crazy lovable fish DORY in Finding Nemo. Other parts brings back the memories of the Sinbad cartoon. However, it in no way reminds me of "The little mermaid". Haha. The little mermaid is not the kind of mermaid in this song.

I'm so elated to be able to sing this song. YES. I AM.

---

I've written quite a lot today. I should shush now.

---

the sea and the ship

only the ship knows
how vast the sea is
and only the sea knows
where the ships wander

the long days they don't meet
the sea's hair turns grey
with the foams of waves
the long days they don't meet
the ship's heart aches 'till it cracks

farewell the ship
the sea is only left with storms

bidding farewell
my fragile heart will be torn by storms