[1st day of Promos]

my plan on thursday:
Go back and revise for four hours for GP. Then sleep at eleven.

What I actually did:
Slept at 7pm. Slept till 10.30 pm. Chatted tell 0.00 am 28 sep. Then sleep again.


At 1.12 am, I was so freaking stressed, I furiously messaged 10 people, asking:

"Have you slept yet?"

I was hoping if someone decided to stay up until 2am, they would help calling me up my calling my phone.
I could not set my alarm clock cos that would wake my roomate up.
The only thing that could wake me up is the vibration of my phone.
I desperately waited for an answer.

but NONE came.
I was very sure some of them were still awake.

I think I have been shunned by everyone.


As a result, I slept till 6 am, IN MY UNIFORM of the PREVIOUS SCHOOLDAY.
I was too stressed to change.

And I did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to prepare for GP.




I was so freaking stressed when rehearsing the stupid anthem backstage.
The stress was tremendous when the vice-principal said "This is the end of absembly, pls rise"



BUT.


STRANGLY ENOUGH, I was totally calm during GP papers.
As I did not study AT ALL, i chose question 5 "Hard work alone is sufficient to accomplish success in life." Do you agree?
It does not require much knowlege on education, environment, politics or economics. GP THEMES.
I finished the essay (phew), and funnily enough. I think my essay is damn sexy, cos I mentioned Josh Groban as one of my examples.

JOSH GROBAN has a irresistable voice.

My essay was quite dominated by examples of musicians: Elvis Presley, Paravicini, Josh Groban.
I brought in Leonardo da Vinci and Thomas Edison too.

I think I FAILED my essay though.

My comprehension is quite bad.
I only manage to write 1.5 pages for AQ.

I think I FAILED my comprehension.

BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE:
I finished both papers though I did not study a single thing for GP.
I was calm during both papers.

And I thank God for that.
Cos for the first time in a very long time, IN MY TREMENDOUS STRESS after hearing "This is the end of assembly, pls rise", I hurriedly uttered a prayer when I was heading towards the sports complex.
YES, I PRAYED. Though I don't consider myself a christian anymore.

And somehow, i think God answered that.
Though I am quite sure that I have failed GP, God kept me calm during the whole process. I did not feel to cry. I did not want to find some knife and slash my wrist. I did not want to give up doing the paper until the very end.WOW. I think God planted some stregth in me.

After the essay paper, when I went out to wait for the next paper.

And I realised something.
I don't really have a friend to talk to, to say things like "How did you do? What question did you choose?", to laugh, or to freak out, to comfort each other, to "YAY!" with each other.
That suddenly striked me.
That reminded me of the 10 messages from me that received no answer.

Maybe it is obvious that I should not trust in anyone anymore.
I feel so helpless in this.
Have I done anything that wrong? to deserve to be friendless?

I don't know. I'm too exhausted when the realization that I have no friend struck me.


Well. Charlotte noticed, asking me "Hey Don. Are you OK? You look so forlorn!"
Well, as usual, I lied "Yah. I'm OK."

For the promo thing, I wanted to thank the seniors who messaged and encouraged j1 choristers, J. for encouraging, Jiing Jiunn for offering to help me with photosynthesis, Bren and Marcus to keep me company on MSN last night, Helsa and Charlotte, and surprise, Nicholas.

Haha. He suggested me to just go to sleep, dream about a hot girl, and wake up feeling damn refreshed and say "Promos. Here I come."

Well, I'm really not the type who would do THAT. But it cheered me up somehow.

And I thank God.
Though I don't think I want to be a Christian again.

[viet music]

i feel like posting a song sung by my favorite Vietnamese singer.

She is really eccentric. Her voice will make you want to hold on to your throat.

I like her anyway.

This is song called "Trang khat" - (Thirsty moon)

Enjoy.

[i did not plan to skip school]

Yesterday, I found out a perfect place to study and not to fall asleep.

My discovery was the bleachers.

I usually go to the freaking freezing library to study and end up sticking headphones into my ears and sleep. The air-con of the library always seduced me to sleep.

Well, the bleachers are different. You can see green, you can here the noise of the cars faraway, you can see ppl walking around, you have enough quietness to focus on your notes, the intensity of the sunlight is just enough to prevent you from the drowsiness and natural lighting is perfect for studying. Not to mention the soothing winds. Wow.

I finally understood a bit of DNA when reading the notes there.

Yay. Anyway, I had to quickly pack up when the J2s passed through the bleachers to get to the sports complex.

-----------

Today, I did not plan to skip school. But I did it anyway.

I woke up at 6.45. This was damn late. I always woke up at 6.00, and snooze until 6.30.

But at 6.45, I had not ironed my clothes, had not packed my bag, and
I felt like crying, for no reason.

So I just sticked to my bed, waiting for my roomate to be gone.
And let out everything.

It felt good. And I was back to sleeping again.
I need some sleep anyway. I stayed up so late at night.
And it was not for any studying.

-----------

I realise that certain ppl have been instructed to talk to me, either in person or via msn, in certain way.
I feel so cheated.
Fuck off, losers.
I can't believe I think they are friends.

-----------

So GP is on fri. I'll prepare nothing cos there are essay questions which require no preparation.

I'll study for bio on monday though.

And I still have no idea how to do econs.

-----------

I missed photosynthesis lecture today.

Sigh.

[die]

die

[A post from the school library, again]

It’s 10:20 am and I’m posting from the school library. I’m a having a 2-hour break. WOW. Ahaha. Anyway, the stupid connection in NUS high hostel broke down, so I could not do ANYTHING yesterday. Plus my Windows broke down (the Microsoft Windows, not the real window). So my whole evening was wasted reinstalling it with much frustration.


Firstly, this part is Don’s writing

The thank-you fest:
I sincerely want to thank these ppl:
Josh, Jiing Jiunn (I am spelling your name correctly right?? (“.), Jia Jun & Hope.

I know I’m so stubborn, shunning away all of your advice, but I actually got something from all your points. Maybe I have a chance. Hope that I may eventually do something for myself.

Josh: for watching out for me – telling me to give my best shot for promos – advising me to sleep and do something for GP

JJ: for praying for me – honestly sharing with me the I-don’t-care about you-know-what this morning – haha – we both have the same views towards something – for being cheerful all the time – you make ppl around you less stressed, seriously

The next JJ: for tagging this oh-my-god-so-depressing blog, for your tag “Don!!!” (“.), for the impromptu dinner/card/crap and lunch/small tofu versus oyako and buffet fest. And for everything.

Hope: for asking me how I felt this morning.


The Don and choir part:
Ok. I am just being honest okay. I still love my choir friends. But I love them more like my friends rather my choir friends.
Lately, I’ve lost passion in music, in life and everything that comes with them. So yah, I knew I was passionate about choir in the past but now, I think it’s just a cca. I can’t help it.
I don’t even keep my faith in god.
So friends, I am your friend. And pls don’t let the choir thing be your categorizing factor. I mean, I observe that some of my friends have been open to this mindset of choir and non-choir. So I always fall into their choir-friend part! Whatever I tell them, I’ll receive comments like “Do you choir ppl know?” or “Does Mr. [s,,u,,m,,] know?”. I mean, pls just be my friend, and let me be yours regardless of our CCA.
I hope you get my point.
Sometimes I wonder, if I were not in choir anymore, will my choir friends still be my friends???
I just wonder.
I’m sorry that I’ve lost passion in music. But it just happens.


God and me:
I’m having a crisis in this.
It’s all about “Is he really there”, “Why am I feeling depressed?” blah blah blah.
So basically, I’m confused.
Sometimes, I even consider myself a non-Christian.
But yesterday, on and off, His presence struck me.
And however I shun my God away, I will find some comfort again, I will sense some of God’s love whenever I listen to Corrine May’s songs.
I weird way to feel God I must say. However, this is what I do.
I believe this is God’s way of letting me sense his presence.

Broken. Depressed. Given up.
But I’ll let God take over.


Don and his girlfriend:
I don’t have one.

Don and his hair:
My hair is black. I have quite a lot of grey hair too.

Don and his eyelashes:
I was bored yesterday so I went to take a look at the mirror and counted my eyelashes. Anyway, I failed to do that after a while cos my eyelashes are not that nice to look at, it’s hard to count to, always lose track of counting around 12. ^^
I’m weird.

Don and his towels:
I have 5 towels. 1 of them I never use. One has the word “Joker” on it. 1 small blue one for wiping my face. And my favorite towel is the white ACJC towel included in the orientation package.
The last one is the gym towel, I hate it. I don’t like to use it. It’s so bloody big. Maybe I’ll use it to wipe my floor next time.

Don and his Macbook:
I decide to name my Macbook Mackie. Cos, firstly, it is a Macbook, secondly, it has a Mickey cover, so there it goes: “Mackie”.
Anyone want to baptize it? Pls help me. I don’t know how. But don’t throw it into water.
Or you’ll have to buy me the Macbook Pro. And I’ll name it “Mackieroo”.

Don and Math:
Do you know what do I think about whenever the word “Math” pops up in my head?
I see a panda vomiting, an ant died, a spider squashed, and I see myself go EEWWWW.

Yah.


Aiyo. I’m so bored. I think I’ll go for my next class now.

And yah. Lo and behold. It’s CHEM.
GOSH.


Au revoir. Xin chao !

[a post from the school library]

I'm in the school library like RIGHT NOW. And I'm happily writing this entry.

The rain in the morning was really chilling. I liked it.

During chapel, I listened to this talk about managing stress in God's way.

Totally USELESS in terms of dealing with stress I must say. I hate the way the preacher used anecdotes with questionable validity and manipulated scriptures to bring about his ideas. The content was not much connected with stress anyway.

ANYWAY, his sermon had a lot of good insights, though it had nothing to do with stress.

Actually, this is just another person with a perfect life trying to teach others about dealing with stress. Well, these types of successful people have no idea what depression really is. I mean, he told us he had scholarship, he was offered to study higher, he is a Dr.! I think he is successful.

One of his anecdotes about a man going to see a psychiatrist was quite ridiculous. I think this was just another make-up story. A patient went to the psychologist, telling his life was terrible. The psychologist helped him realized that he has a family, children, friends, blah blah blah and the depressed man went “hallelujah! Praise the Lord!” and ran out of the room.

Come on. So cheesy. I think that man was retarded rather than depressed. And I don’t think anyone can just run off a psychologist’s office just like that. I mean, a session costs about 80-120 SDG, would the doctor let you run off that easily? I don’t think so.

Well. I did take some learning points with me. I learned something about PERSPECTIVE and HABIT. Thanks to Grace, who nudged me and woke me up from my sleep.

GOSH. I did not sleep last night.


Chapel this morning reminds me of one post in my other depressed blog.

First, let me ask you something. What do you think about these men:

Abraham Lincoln
Vincent Van Gogh
Ernest Hemingway
American poet and Pulitzer Prize winner Robert Lowell
American artist Jackson Pollock
'Sophie's Choice' author William Styron
'Nirvana' lead singer Kurt Cobain
Jim Carrey - the comedian

I posted this on the other blog on March 24. This is what I wrote:


Well. I dunno why Newsweek is suddenly filled with topics on depression.
Anyway, it helps to know about this thing, cos trust me, you will never want to experience it in your life.
Y newsweek open this topic? Their reason: " It's wrong that less men suffer from depression than women do, they are just better at hiding it."

Here are the extracts:

MOODY BOY BLUES

For decades, psychologists believed that men
experienced depression at only a fraction of the rate of women. But this overly
rosy view, doctors now recognize, was due to the fact that men were better at
hiding their feelings. Only in modern times has the stigma surrounding
depression and mental illness in men begun to lift. We take a look at some of
history's greatest male leaders, artists and entertainers who silently suffered
from depression behind the guise of their talents.


Although fairness, equity and strength of character were
defining features of Abraham Lincoln's personality, he was also known by many in
his adult life for his constantly melancholic state, which many say began with
the death of his mother when he was 9 years old

My comment: I want to be
great like him, but without the melancholic state.













'Self-Portrait with Bandaged Ear' by Vincent Van Gogh depicts
the artist soon after he cut off his own ear, allegedly as a gift for a love
interest. Having suffered from psychotic episodes as well as depression
throughout his life, he committed suicide in 1890 at the age of 37.

My
comment: My favorite artist. My hero when I was a kid and intrigued by his art.
Sadly, he chose to end his life. I seriously don't want an ending like his. The
song "Vincent" says that: "They (the whole world) would not listen. They did not
know how. Perhaps they will listen now. For they could not love you. Though all
your love was true. And when no hope was left inside. On that starry starry
night. You took your life as lovers often do. But I could have told you Vincent.
This world has never meant for one as beautiful as you." I personally don't like
the last line. Everyone, once born into this world, has a purpose. He or she
deserves to be loved, to be heard. If only someone would have helped Van gogh,
if only would have helped Vincent; how many more great masterpieces the world
would have? Or even if he is not a great artist, he deserves to be understood by
someone, deserves to be happy. Vincent Van Gogh, my hero, if I could rewrite the
song, I would put "this world has always been for one as beautiful as you!"


American novelist Ernest Hemingway (in Idaho in 1939)
notoriously struggled with depression throughout his life. He died from a
self-inflicted shotgun wound to the head in 1961. Suicide plagued the Hemingway
family with the deaths of Hemingway's father, brother, sister and granddaughter,
supermodel Margaux Hemingway.

My comment: Again, why must you end your
life in such a tragic way?????? You showed the world what a great writer you
were, moved millions, taught millions to know really how to "live". Sadly, you
took away your very precious life.









American poet and Pulitzer Prize winner Robert Lowell was
hospitalized nearly 20 times for manic depression before his death in 1977

















American artist Jackson Pollock (working in 1949), famous for
his drip paintings, struggled with depression throughout his life. He often said
he believed that the inspiration for his work came from the subconscious.

My comment: Well. When I'm in my depth of melancholy and desolation, I
always create amazing work of art, which later, when I'm stabilized, I always
wonder "How the hell did I do that?" PPl gawked at my work and all went "OMG.
Don, how did you do that? can I have it? or can you teach me how to do that?" I
seriously don't know ppl. I perfer not suffering from depression and create
nothing amazing rather than create artpieces with no equanimity of my mind.
Honestly.

'Recovery was not easy,' says astronaut Buzz Aldrin of his
struggles with alcohol and depression. ‘Perhaps the most challenging turnaround
was accepting the need for assistance and help. Looking back at it now--with
over 22 years of sobriety--this was probably one of my greatest challenges. But
it has also been one of the most satisfying because it has given me a sense of
comfort and ease with where I am now.'

'Depression is a physical
illness,' says Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Terry Bradshaw who lead his team
to victory in the 1979 Super Bowl. 'The beauty of it is that there are
medications that work. Look at me. I'm always happy-go-lucky, and people look at
me and find it shocking that I could be depressed.'

My comment: Hey.
What medications that worked for you? Mine seemed to be only to do 2 things: put
me to sleep and waste my money.


'Sophie's Choice' author William Styron wrote of his bout with
clinical depression in 'Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness,' in which he says
he trudged 'upward out of hell's black depths'

My comment: When I looked
at the title of the book and acknowledged that it is a philosophical book. I ran
away from it. I had no idea that the author has the same situation as me:
clinical depression. But will I ever truge "upward out of hell's black depths"
like him? I'll try to do that.




'Nirvana' lead singer Kurt Cobain famously committed suicide
at his home in Seattle in April 1994 after years of depression and drug
dependency

My comment: Don't ever use drugs, ppl.

Former CEO of
CNN Tom Johnson kept his struggle with depression a secret from the public, but
told Ted Turner when he was offered the CNN position.

Talk-show host
Dick Cavett (posing in 2005 in front of a TV displaying his 1971 interview with
John Lennon and Yoko Ono) says he first began dealing with depression soon after
he graduated from college in 1959. He took antidepressants off and on until 1980
when he tried electroshock therapy, which he says was 'miraculous.'
My
comment: I have a photo from the newsweek but dunno how to post here. Anyway,
kind of scary to hear the world "electroshock"

Although he used Prozac
for a period to combat his depression, comedian Jim Carrey said in a 2004
interview that he stopped taking the drug and instead drew strength from
spirituality

My comment: Jim Carrey is a great comedian. I cannot
believe that a person who brings laughters to other people also suffer from
depression. It really stretch it terrible hands to everyone.

In
conclusion, I hope I have the courage and the wisdom to overcome this crappy
depression I have. I dunno how. But a friend says that ppl can change, that ppl
are just trying to be excusers and not to be bigger than themselves, the
principal at the college quoted the exact same verse that my friend used to in
his post, and newsweek extend its hands to all the men with the same problem.

Maybe this is God's way to grant me the SERENITY. I have to try my best
to be courageous, to have the wisdom to be bigger than myself. I don't know how
but I'm aware that I have a life and I have to love it, to nurture it, and I
want to be a Big guy someday (not in term of height - omg I'm terribly short),
but who can do something GREAT.

My aspirations right now: build a home
for mom and dad, be a psychiatrist, find a cure for cancer (sounds cliche but I
really want to do this), be a teacher, be a good husband, a terrific and
understanding father or maybe just a guy who leads a righteous life, sing in a
jazz band, write a book, direct a movie.

Seriously, those may sound
stupid but I want to do them.

But first of all, I must try my best to
overcome the clutch of depression.

God help me!

I wrote this in March. And a lot of things have changed since then. Some of the points I wrote may not be valid anymore.

I'll end here.

Have to go for PE.

[josh]

firstly, this is me, Don


Josh Groban has this song:

Don’t give up

It’s just the weight of the world
When you’re heart’s heavy
I will lift it for you
Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you I – I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside
I’ll be there to find you
Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved


what a sweet and beautiful song

---------------

another Josh told me i'm self-pitying.

I don't know whether that's what I'm doing. maybe yes.

I don't think it's cool to have multiple personalities. It's just that trying to lead a life of harmony with ppl around me doesn't work for me anymore. Ppl still hurt me, irritate me, take me for granted. I need Donish to let out the other side of me, or I'll go mad.

I know I'm damn stupid to be in this mess.

But has anyone experienced something so traumatising that haunts him everyday? making him scared of human? anyone actually has depression?

I don't think i want to believe in God anymore. And I'm not encouraging anyone to do this. This is the worst thing anyone can ever do, losing his faith. Is God there? watching over me? I don't know.

I'm an INFP. Mother Teresa is also an INFP. And for fifty years of her life, FIFTY YEARS, she could not feel the presence of God. So she put on a facade and do good wills in His name, put keep the crisis to herself. Is that fair for her? I wonder. Why? If God is there for her, why can't she feel him?

And why can't I feel the presence of God since I come to acjc? Did I do something wrong? Why everything bad happen to me this year? Why the depression come back again? and this time, it does not go away.

Yah. ok. it's so obvious that is because i don't take any antidepressants anymore. they don't work for me anyway.

I had high hopes and dreams before coming to acjc. I wanted to be a blessing for others, but end up being nothing now, more like a burden for myself.

I thought I would score well for my study. But gosh, the second week in this JC, I knew that would not happen.

In short, I'm so confused now. I've lost my faith. I think I haven't done anything wrong to anyone but myself. I haven't harmed anything. I don't think I deserve any of this! I really don't.

I don't even know what is the point I'm trying to make here.

This is just a reflection of whatever i can think of myself for now.

I do want to just die and let everything go. But I won't commit suicide.

------------

Thank you Josh!

------------

Lisa Ono is quite amazing. Though I feel that her music sometimes is too impersonal and lacks sincerity, I enjoy it. Soothing tunes, caressing voice. Quite cool.

And I'm still addicted to Corrinne May. I love the great connection between the music, the lyrics, and the singer herself.

I love "my little nephew", "the answer", and "shelter".

-------------

Happy Birthday to you, P.

I won't be able to get you anything for your birthday. I'm sincerely sorry.
I wanted to get you something really great.
But I want to give you a present as a sane person, which I'm not now.
So I'll give you my present someother time=]

Thanks to you and H. for what you did for my birthday though [=

-------------

still confused.

[don is mad, so Donish is born]

Don has gone mad due to the stress. So Donish, Don's alter ego, is born.
And Donish is really not the Don you know.

So until Don is fine again, you are dealing with Donish.


Donish swears a lot.


America's next top model is damn nice. I can't believe i missed it.
Anyway, it's so f.u.c.king stupid that those oh-gosh-so-good-looking girls cried when there asses were kicked out of the show.

Oh come on. You are the pretty ones, your life are so damn perfect, way better than those ugly/ dorky girls around. Stop those fake tears pls.

Haha. I wanna slap them.

There are quite a variety of contestants.

There is a Yale b.i.t.c.h who I just want to slap till her head fall off, cos she is so proud of the fact that she is from Yale. Come on, this is America's next top model, hydrogen bonds and photosynthesis and electromagnetism won't get you through it. And when ppl tune in for this kind of show, no one wants to see such a vain, immodest b,i,t,ch like you.

another brainless moron uses the i-was-rape and i-was-molested story when she strutted the runway, and then looks totally fine during the interview. GOSH. What a hypocritical, manipulative b.i.t.c.h want sympathy? gosh. use your past to do charity work. try to help those that face the same plight. Really. That will be a much better cause, rather than to use your past to win this competition.

and there is this cheerleader type, the typical dumb blonde, the oh-my-god-i'm-happy-all-the-time type. But i think this type is lovely, i like them. i think they are cute.

there are many nice contestants though

but this is Donish writing.
and Donish is so not nice.





------------

the motherfu.ck.ing promos is next week and there will be no fu.ck.ing break.
acjc. eat s.h.i.t.

------------

Don has been putting up with this irritating thing every morning.
But Donish doesn't. He's a bitch.

So Donish is writing about something that has been bugging Don EVERY morning.

Ok. There are the irritating whores from a n.e.i.g.h.b.o.u.rhood school that share the 196 bus with noD every morning.
And GOSH. WTF. those bitches blast their goddamn music through their goddamn lousy phones. Come on. What a nice boy has to do to get some quietness in the fucking mornings? Their music is like shit, plus the music is played through the fucked-up phones, so they sound like fuckedupshit, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Those bitches sure got headphones, and they HAD TO fucking irritate ppl around them with THAT.


Don has been too nice. But Donish is not.



And life has screwed Don so much that he has become Donish

[if you don't love me]

Who am I kidding!

Honestly, I'm affected by her neglection.

I'm deeply saddened by that.

And I can't help it.

I can't be oblivious to it, I can't act bold anymore.

I'm tired.

----------

If you didn't love me
lyrics: Carole King and Carole Bayer Sager
music: Corrinne May

If every drop of water disappeared from the land
And every drop of ocean suddenly turned to sand
That would all be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

What if I woke up and couldn't hear a sound
And all that I could see was darkness all around
That would all be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

If I could have the world and all that money could buy
And I could travel far beyond the moon and the day
If they gave me golden wings,
well I still couldn't fly
without you, nothing would matter

You and I walk beside each other day after day
But there's so much inside me, I never get to say
My life would be so empty
with nothing left to feel
If you didn't love me
If you didn't love me

[i have an announcement to make]

i have nothing to write about

[my children]

I don't think I'll ever get married.
You know.
I think I'll become one of those guys who grow old and have orchids or have a lot of dogs running around.

ANYWAY.

I case I DO get married and have children.

If I have a son, I'll call him Don.
If that's a girl, she will be Dawn.

If I have another son, he will be called Josh, after my favorite singer Josh Groban.
If I have another girl, she must be Jessica.

so 2 Ds and 2 Js.

That would be far away. But i hope I'll live until then.

I'll love them.

[imagine]

i imagine a world with no more sorrow

[the promos story]

this story is the third installment to the "my love story" series.

here the story goes.




Once upon a time, like right now, Don is NOT studying.

He has not revised for his promo.

He thought "Oh gosh. I haven't done anything to prepare for promos."



In the forest, a squirrel suddenly shouted: "Damn it. I haven't done anything to prepare for promos." And choked on a peanut and died.

a tapir suddenly screamed: "Damn it. I haven't done anything to prepare for promos." And fell down an elevator shaft and died.

Why is there an elevator shaft in the forest?

I have absolutely no idea!!!

A nightingale sang: "Damn it. I haven't done anything to prepare for promos." And bang into a tree and dropped dead.

A cockroach appeared and said "Damn it. I haven't done anyth..."

BUT it couldn't finish the sentence because DON stepped on it. REPEATEDLY.

FILTHY DISGUSTING CREATURE. Don hates cockroaches. They are so ewww, aiyoooo, yewwww, and yuppily yucky.

Anyway, I have absolutely no idea why Don is in the forest!


Then there is a rat somewhere, his name is Remy. He stars in Ratatouille.
And he is too cute. So Don doesn't want to kill him off in his story.

And Remy hates Promos by the way.


A sheep murmured: "Damn it. I haven't done anything to prepare for promos."

Yah. He actually had not done anything for promos.
Anyway, that sheep needed to pee.

He peed on a spider.
And guess what.

The spider died. How sad!
But not because if the peeing thing.
Because the sheep felt asleep and dropped dead.
and squashed the spider.

while he was peeing.

Don't ask me why. it just happens.



There were a hamster, a pigeon, a rabbit, and a snail. But I Don't know what happened to them. Ask Kenneth the tenor.


Anyway. Kenneth also recommended "Homo Sapiens".

Interesting.

OK, ahomo sapiens shouted: "Damn it. I haven't done anything to prepare for promos."

And that homo sapiens can any J1s.

Gosh.

I'm bored and stressed.


Anyway, if homo sapiens is actually HOMO sapiens

is that the reason why they extinct?

[josh groban]

i love his voice.

----------

anyway, promo is coming.

do you feel the heat?

i can't wait to finish it.

----------

Josh Groban has a sexy voice.

----------

In The Straits Times on Thursday, there is this article about the Dream Team for Singapore Arts School. What a delightful read! My choir conductor is in there too.

However, in the HOME section, there was this piece of sad news about a study-mama who dedicated her whole life to his son died as a bus hit her and dragged her along the street.

That made me feel really sad.

Life is so unexpected. What about the son! They are immigrants who came here just for the sake of the son's study. What a tragedy!

I don't mind if that was me who was hit by the bus.

May she rest in peace, God bless her!

------------

Josh Groban is also a smart student. This is what he said:




"I enjoyed the arts aspects, but my grades were slipping. I didn't feel that I was getting enough creative input. So I went to Bridges Academy to get my grades up to straight A's."

So basically, he stopped his arts stuff for a while to get straight A's.

WHOA.

Don't you just love this boyish baritone!!!



I do.

Groban played the role of Malcolm Wyatt in the May 2001 season finale of the television series Ally McBeal, performing "You're Still You." The series creator, David E. Kelley, was impressed at Groban's performance at The Family Celebration event, and, based on the audience reaction to Groban's singing, Kelley created a character for Groban in this finale. The character of Malcolm Wyatt was so popular, with 8,000 emails from fans, that Groban was asked to return the next season to reprise his role and perform "To Where You Are."

Actually, after his debut appearance with the song "You're still you", the audience googled him up and down becos they could not believe that was him singing. It was too beautiful.

I'm waiting for October 9th, when he will release his new album - Noel.



---------------

That's all for today.

[Mock GP exam]

today is mock GP exam.

I prepared absolutely NOTHING for it.

And somehow, I managed to write 5 pages for the essay.

When I re-read it after I was done. This was what I saw:

crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap

basically, i wrote loads of crap

HAHAHA. not that i wrote down "crap", but my essay sounds crappy. Really. Like the bird that crapped on the cow and made the cow mad in one of my love stories.



Then came the compre paper. I nodded off for 10 mins due to the fact that i slept at four the previous night.
And when i saw "succour", i felt amused.
HOHO.
Don't ask me why.



It's nice to go out to have dinner and NOT eating hostel food. Anyway, not nice to my wallet though. I hate seeing red and blue notes disappearing. I only love to see coins disappear.

So, that's all for today [=

Au revoir!

[tuesday]

i slept at 7:00 PM yesterday all the way until 7:00 AM this morning.

i felt awake in all of my classes and lectures and could undertand everything.

Power to sleep =]

---------------

Seems like i don't have much time to sleep tonight. =[

---------------

My groundbreaker, Anita Roddick, my topic for Project Work, passed away yesterday.

God bless her.

[a post at 4:05 AM]

Yes, it's 4:05 AM and i am BLOGGING.

I've just finished my Econ Independent Learning.

After nearly four hours of searching for an article, I finally found one article.

And guess what, it is quite similar to what i had done in class, so I may not get good marks, or any marks for this assignment.

Just pray for the best.

--------------
Dear folks,

I know I'm quite morbid.
I know I've killed off so many of my characters in my love story.

I'm so sorry for that.

I'm just stressed and confused.
When I'm fine again, I'll resurrect them one by one.
And I hope I will survive until a point that every single character in my story has his/her own happy ending.

Life sucks for me at this point in time, but I do have hope that it won't be like this forever.

I do want to strive for a better mood, a better being, a calmer self, a happier Don =]

Thanks to all of you, in one way or another, plant seeds of hope and strength in me.

I want to thank:
A. (for everything)
B. (for being such a great artist, a good friend and waking me up with all the good advices)
Corrinne May (for your music and the honesty and integrity of it)
D.
G. (for talking to me during PE and let me know you more)
H. (for your smileys =])
J. (for being someone i can identify with)
and J. (for being there for me, even though you had to have tofu for half an hour =)
K. (for keeping me company on msn and let me force-feed you songs and rubbish)
M. (for always taking care of me and sharing your insights of life)
and M. (for being so blur and funny)
N. (for listening)
and N.(for being so funny and cheerful everyday, you make school less painful)
and N. (you are so talented I tell you)
P. (for youknowwhat)
and P. (for saying GoodMorning every morning and even more =])
R. (for being just yourself =])
S. (for being such a great friend and for sharing secrets with me, LOL)
and S. (for being such a cool friend [= )

well, I hope you can identify your own initials [=
Thank God I have friends like you all.

--------------------------
Today is school again.
And look at me. It's 4.30 AM NOW, and I'm wide awake and intensely stressed.
School will mean a lot of scolding for me cos i haven't done ANYTHING.
I've made mistakes, I've given up on studying.
I've let myself fall.
I've let depression conquer me.

I'm not saying that I can snap out of it.
I don't think I can get out of this mess.
But I know one thing for sure,

I WON'T STOP TRYING AND PERSEVERING.

I've faced a much worse experience in life.
And hey, I still survive now.

I've just realised THAT.


-----------------------
A bit about my Love story.

Remember Aladdin and Jasmine?
Ok. They divorced cos Jasmine did not allow Aladdin to drink Starbucks.

But one day, Jasmine was stuck in the dessert and ran out of water to drink.
Then she found a starbucks in the middle of the desert and ordered a Vanilla Frappucino Blended Cream. And had the shock of her life cos it tasted so divine.

She immediately took out her handphone to call Aladdin and said "I'm sorry. I love you".

And then they married again.
And lived happily ever after.
The end.
-----------------------------

[the answer]

even with the one-week holiday of rest, i still don't feel well.

I'm tired of trying to look like i am ok.
I'm tired of saying "i'm bored" when I am actually depressed.
I'm tired looking at the notes lying about in my room.
I'm tired of talking to ppl and force a smile.
I'm tired and sick of the thought of going back to school.

I'm sick of the thought of seeing the teachers and facing their "why you haven't done this?" question.
I'm terrified by the thought of seeing any teacher who would ask "have you revised?".
I'm depressed by the thought of checking the class venues and lug my bag there, knowing that it would be either "detention" or "extra-assignment" or "Don, you have to stand" or something I have not foreseen.

I hate the fact that i have to do assignments which I know I can't really do well. I don't want to do it just for the sake of doing it. I want to do it well. But i don't understand the content.
I hate the fact that the only person I turn to for advice usually suggest things that he has been suggesting over and over again, which I have tried and failed.

And worst of all, I hate and I can't stand myself.

I just want to drop dead out of no reason, like the way i kill off the characters in my stories.

But then, it would be a sin not to love yourself.

-------------------------
My love

"I have found almost everything written about love to be true.

Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers' meeting."

What an extraordinary thought!

Personally, I haven't experienced anything remotely close to that,

but I'm more than willing to believe shakespeare had.

I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should

I'm constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.

It was Shakespeare who also said "Love is blind."

Now, that is something i know to be true.



For some, quite inexplicably love fades

for others, love is simply lost

But then, of course, love can also be found
even if just for the night

and then, there's another kind of love
the cruelest kind
the one that almost kills its victims

it's called unrequited love

of that, i am going to be an expert


Most love stories are about ppl who fall in love with each other

But what about the rest of us?
What about our stories?
those of us who fall in love alone.
we are the victims of the one-sided affair.

we are the curse of the loved ones.
we are the unloved ones.
the walking wounded.
the handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space.

yes. you maybe looking at one such individual."




and it's so hopeless that I have stopped loving that person.

I don't even get hold of that unrequited love.

I have let it go.

When nothing have even started.


---------------------------
The answer
Music by Gustav Holst
Lyrics by Corrinne May

I believe you are the answer to every tear I've cried
I believe that you are with me
My rising and my flight

Give me strength when I am weary
Give me hope when I can't see
Through the crosses I must carry
Lord, bind my heart to thee

That when all my days are over
and all my chores are done
I may see your risen Glory
Forever where You are.

[why]

why can't anybody remember stuff that happened in my story?

haha. it's so easy to understand.

just remember. everything happens for a reason.

and in Don's story. death is not the end.

that's why the snake that was already dead and still dead was still there.

maybe one day fairy godmother will come and resurrect it. Who knows!

=]

[another attempt at writing a story]

A NOT-REALLY-A-LOVE-STORY STORY (a continuation to "A Love Story")
- by Don

Precaution: You must read "A love story" in one of my previous posts to understand what is happening in this story, if you haven't done so.

Ok here the story goes.


Chapter one: The fire, and the death of the little eagle

Remember the little eagle call Don who had nothing to do with anything that happened in "A Love Story".

Well something actually happened to that peaceful forest.

One day, the sun was shinging brightly, throwing its golden hue onto the dense foliage of the forest. A tobacco factory suddenly sprung out of nowhere and started producing cigarettes.

A monkey called Don-hates-monkeys went past the factory and bought one box of cigarettes. Obviously, he did not take biology in secondary school, so he did not know anything about lung cancer and stuff.

Anyway, he lighted a cigarette and put it in his mouth. But instead of putting the yellow part into his mouth, he put the OTHER part, where the cigarette was lighted. Hence, he felt hot and yelled "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHH" and dropped dead.

Then the cigarette caught fire to the whole forest. It was scorching. The fire was like a hungry monster just waiting to devour its prey alive. So basically, there were a lot of deaths, mostly snails. And the little eagle called Don passed away too.

BUT.

He did not die because of the fire.
Voldermort appeared out of nowhere and yelled "Avada Kedavra" and pointed the wand at the little eagle.

BUT

He still did not die because of Voldermort.
He died because of no particular reason. He just died.

REALLY.

Anyway, the fire caused a big haze in Singapore, Malaysia and the Philipines. A lot of flights had to be cancelled.

---------------------------


Chapter 2: the reincarnation of Don
The spirit of the little eagle - Don - floated to a destination, not Hell, and not Heaven. It's somewhere up there.

He met Aladdin, who had just divorced Jasmine the princess 'cos she did not allow him to drink Starbucks coffee. Aladdin was so sad that gave the little eagle the genie as a gift. Genie granted Don 3 wishes. Don wished he could be reincarnated as a boi.

And there he went. He was reincarnated as a boi. He was born on 1 Aug 1989.

Then a lot of things happened to him.

In 2005, he flew to Singapore to study in ACSI - All Cash School Indeed. Concurrently, there was some guy called Jia Jun in SJI. There were Kenneth Chew in Cat High, Jowell in Pierce Secondary School, Darryl from don-know-where(i'm so sorry), JiingJiun in Malaysia, and Andy from Fairfield.

In 2007, all of those mentioned above, including Don, went to ACJC and became tenors, with Don and JiaJun as tenor1s.

Don liked a girl. She was sweet and graceful.
Anyway, today, 7 September, he really cannot understand how could he like that girl. She is just the same as the others. It is so great to be her friend. But he cannot understand how could he like that girl. Really! He really doesn't have any special feelings for her anymore.

YAY. Don has free his heart from the clutch and complications of "liking" a girl.

Anyway, Don went for the Open House Prep today. I moved the raisers and the harps. It was quite fun.

He is the shortest guy in choir.


--------------------------
Chapter 3: the chapter that doesn't have anything to do with Don

Chapter 2 actually does not have anything to do with what is about to happen.


Remembered the turtle called Fergie that suddenly had wings and flew away?

Ok. Today, he was still flying in the morning. But suddenly, near afternoon, his wings disappeared and he dropped down. But he did not die.

He landed near rihannaPeacock, who had changed her name no britneyPeacock by now.

britneyPeacock found fergieTurtle very handsome and dated him. They went out for quite some time. One day, fergie asked britney to Esplanadada for a concert called "An evening with slightly a lot of friends" by CJCA choir. When the choir arrived at a beautiful piece call "A mermaid's song", turtle proposed to peacock. He knelt down on all his four legs and asked "Will you marry me?"

His eyes were sparkling, waiting for a "yes". britneyPeacock looked extremely happy and touched. Tears were streaming down her face.

But just as she was about to say something, the music change. It suddenly changed from a beautiful mermaid's song to some

"YOH, YOH, YOH YOH YOH YOH.

K-A-L-E-I-D-O-S-C-O-P-E - clap - clap (repeated two times)

There is a time
a time
a time
for you and me
live our dream
discover
a life of fantasy
...
...
Kaleidoscope
...."


britneyPeacock felt like vomitting from such a change in music. She actually vomitted. But after that she said "Yes".

They went out of Esplanada and came to Las Vegas right away for their wedding.
Just after 8 hours, they arrived at Las Vegas and had their wedding service.
They officially became husband and wife.

After that, they went back to Singapore.
Upon arriving at Changi airport. turtleFergie said: "Oh gosh. The weather is so hot. Let's drink something cool." He pulled out a bottle of reddish liquid and drank it. And dropped dead. But BritneyPeacock resurrected him. britneyPeacock was actually a phoenix in disguise, so she can resurrect ppl.

So basically, in this chapter, nothing died.

But this chapter has nothing to do with chapter4.




---------------------
CHAPTER 4: back to the forest

Life still went on after that historic fire.

On a bright sunny day. Harry Potter, again, appeared out of nowhere, caught the Snitch, and exclaimed "Oh sh*t, where am i?"

How do I know. Shuddup.


Again, a dinosaur appeared out of nowhere and dropped dead out of no reason.

And remember the snake that was already dead? Until now, it was still dead.

And remember Bambi and the squirrel?

They lived a happy life, and had a lot of kids. Though their kids could not be identified as any kind of animal but they were very smart. The youngest one could speak 4 languages and the oldest one could speak 9 languages.

They were nerds.

Remember the concert for the homeless cats? After the concert, enough money was raised for a decent house. So the cats had a home now.

One of the cats became a singer. Her name was Cats. She opened a concert of her own called Memory. But she died on stage cos she was bitten by a mosquito and the light was too bright for her to tolerate.

The great singer was dead due to rapid dengue fever and oh-gosh-that-was-too-bright.

-------------------------
Chapter 5: lion king

There was a lion called Simba. He was the king of the forest.

He sang "The lion feels slightly sleepy tonight but did not really sleep".

He sang it so badly that he choked on his own mustache and died.

------------------------
Chapter 6: Cinderella

It was past midnight. A very beautiful cart passed by the forest. Suddenly, the cart turned into a pumpkin, the the beautiful lady inside turned into a dirty looking girl.

But she had one glass shoe on. It was really really nice and shiny.

An elephant passed by and saw Cinderella and her shoe and said "WOW. The glass shoe is so nice and shiny and transparent."

A hippo passed by and saw Cinderella and her shoe and said "WOW. The glass shoe is so nice and shiny and transparent."

A sheep passed by and saw Cinderella and her shoe and said "WOW. The glass shoe is so nice and shiny and transparent."

Then a gazelle, a horse, a tiger, a jaguar, a panther, a cheetah, a baboon, a tapir all said the same thing.

Cindrella was so sad cos no one praised her beauty. So she ate the glass shoe and got food poisoning. But whether the died or not, no one can tell.

Why?

I don't know.

Anyway, all the animals that came started falling in love with one another.

And that's evolution and diversity.

--------------------------------
Chapter 7: the fire, again

This time, another stupid monkey bought a cigarette, put it in the wrong way, died, and the cigarette caught fire to the whole forest.

AGAIN.

and that caused a haze in Singapore and the nearby countries for 5.5 days.

Cos on the 6th day, superman came and chased the haze away.

Anyway, he breathed in all the gases in order to clear the haze.

He was superman but he was quite stupid.

So he developed lung cancer and dropped dead.

He fell down on NUS High School hostel.

Some guy called Don saw him, exclaimed "WTH is this?", and walked away.

Anyway, spiderman dated robin and that made batman mad. So they fought one another and they were all punished by desperate housewives. They brought the three men to Grey's Anatomy and killed them off, after that turned spiderman into SpiderPig, Robin into a bird, and Batman into something black that sleep upside down.

Suddenly, the fantastic four appeared out of nowhere and organised a concert called "The phantom of something that looked like the opera".

And they could do it only halfway through the musical. Cos one of the casts suddenly turned invisible, one suddenly became so big and smashed down the entire stage, one went stoned, one caught fire to the entire theatre.

The end of all the super heroes.

---------------------------
Chapter 8: i don't know what title this chapter should have

Ok. Some guy is seriously bored.

He looked out of the window, seeing no birds in the sky, so he went to sleep.

His name is Don.



- to be continued -

[10 random things about me]

ok. i checked out my friend's blog and found out that she wanted me to post 10 random things about me. So here they are:

1. i am 18.

2. i have a nose.

3. i haven't gotten an A for any subjects for any tests/ exam.

4. i am Don

5. i love Starbuck's Vanilla Frappucino Blended Cream.

6. i am not contented with my life

7. i have to wear glasses

8. i love red. wine red to be exact.

9. i hate pink.

10. i have a dog at home. he is marvelously stupid. I need to study for Promos. I am in 1SC4 now. I'm a choir member, a tenor 1 to be exact. I think choir ppl are cool. I like Corrinne May. I quite like Lisa Ono too. I want to achieve at least CCCCC overall for this year. And yesterday, I dreamed of something, but now i have forgotten WTH i have dreamt of.

ok. those are the ten things about me =]

[my first attempt at writing a love story]

still cannot sleep at 1.50 am.

I will study when i wake up.

I WILL.
---------------------
i hope i can survive the open house singing. Hope i will store up enough stamina for it. And I hope my voice will not break.

---------------------
I've just listened to Britney spears new songs. And they are superbly lousy.

---------------------
I saw a dog in my dream yesterday. It was really cute.

---------------------
A LOVE STORY - by DON

A cow loved a nightingale. So he lived under the tree that the nightingale nested.

The nightingale loved the cow too.

BUT.

One day, the nightingale accidentally crapped on the cow. So the cow got angry and bang the tree hard. The nightingale was so scared that she flew away. That tree fell down.

It fell down on a pig. The pig screamed "OH NO" and died. Actually, it was "OH N..." and then nothing. It was all to quick.

A squirrel heard the the pig scream and ran over. When he arrived at the death scene of the pig, he was so horrified that he fainted. A deer passed by and did a CPR on him. And the poor squirrel woke up and said "I love you, Bambi!".

Nearby, a frog sang "Toxic", followed by "I don't actually use an Umbrella" by rihannaPeacock. The frog and the peacock were organising a little concert for the homeless cats. One of the cats were so touched that she jumped on the stage and sang "Lovestoned me, and i died, cos i got stoned". She sang it so well that the audience actually stoned her. Hence, she actually died. Her twin came on stage and sang "My love". This time, she sang super per well. BUT, she looked like the previous singer, so she got stoned too. Anyway, this one did not die. She learned Karate, so all the stones bounced back. One of the stones flew to the nightingale who was flying away from the angry cow and she got knocked down. She screamed "OH NO", and died.

She landed on a turtle. The turtle was not too young, not too old. He was singing "I'm not a boy, not yet a man" before the nightingale landed on his back. When she landed on his back, he shouted "Oh sh*t" and started singing "London Bridge".

Then he suddenly had wings and flew away. That's why they called him Fergie.

On one of the trees, there lived a little eagle called Don.

But that had nothing to do with what was going to Happen.

A dinosaur came out of nowhere and dropped dead out of no reason.

Harry Potter suddenly flew in on a Firebolt (a broom) and caught the Snitch. Then he said "Oh Sh*t! where am i?"

How do I know? Shuddup.

Anyway, there was a snake. But she was already dead.

So a spider went itsy bitsy and went up the water spout. But there was no rain coming down. So she could not finish her choral composition of "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" The people at Esplanadadada was so upset when she could not finish it. She yelled at them "jsrglr sdrhskks sks;;lhahr gsdkhgls"

And yes. She died of a heart attack afterwards. She was too fat to be angry.

I'm so sorry Bitsy.



Anyway, Back to the angry cow at the beginning. even after all these had happened, he was still mad.

SO. HE DIED. due to mad-cow disease.

The end.


Moral of the story: life is short. live it well. rihanna doesn't actually need an umbrella. mad-cow disease is started by a mad cow. Bambi's boyfriend is a squirrel. Fergie is a turtle. And the little eagle - Don - has nothing to do with all of this.
-------------------------

i think something is seriously wrong with me.

ASEAN dance - Equinox 2007

some photos from the dance

the choir ladies and me


withRoxanne=]


with marcus - a nice photo, finally


with jia jun - the other tenor 1, and he had fishes on his shirt


with JingJiiun


the 5 tenors


with my ex-classmates in ACSIB






with Phuong =]


with Brian - my scholar friend
We are so called foster brothers, whatever that means. haha.
and he is a super great dancer.


with Jeanny - an Indonesian friend

[sunday]

i planned to study today.

And I have done absolutely NOTHING.

Today is Vietnamese National Day. And I can't care less about it.

Holiday quizzed by too quickly. Just whoosh, and Friday, Saturday and Sunday are gone.




Tomorrow is choir. Something to look forward to after these three bleak days.

[grey's anatomy]

Grey's anatomy is a great show.

Fantastic storyline, quite nice music, a lot of twists, blah blah blah ...

BUT.

I can't stand the main character, Meredith Grey, and the actress who plays that role. I hate her personalities, her voice, her look, her hair, her EVERYTHING.

Meredith IRKS me the the point that I have to write down on my blog.




And the people in Grey's Anatomy are sleeping around with one another like PIGS.

GOSH. Is that the American culture? Or is that what actually happening all around me? Am I too naive about the world? I hope not.

I wish the sex and the sleeping around in Grey's Anatomy is NOT the truth about the society. I hope it is just a way to whore up ratings and views for the show, and not a reflection of the society

Where the hell are moral and ethics in the world today?

WHERE?