[i finally can be a happy boy] - a one-year reflection

actually, now i am free of all bonds.

i'm not a slave to my scholarship and all the expectations that come with it anymore.


No more "but you are a scholar, how can your grades be like this?"


I'm a foreign student now.

I know there will be a lot of stress when my juniors come to ACJC and ask what happen, and I will have to bear with the fact that they will be spreading the news about me not being a scholar anymore. There will be a lot of gossip behind my back, speculating what went wrong and all that jazz.

But hey, I think as from friday, 26/10/2007, i'll be another Don.
I will accept all that gossip.
I have survived all the madness of this year and as a foreign student, a J2, a SC4 member, a soon-to-be choir senior , I feel like I have been given a second chance to fight my depression.
I think 2007 is the second worst year in my life so far, but hey, in adversity, one finds his strengths and his true friends.

Since the JAE, I have been trusting in the wrong person for support. I thought we were in the same situation, so he would understand. But i'm proven wrong. Furthermore, I don't really have an open heart to accept those who reached out to me, and hence I just plunged to the depth of lethargy and sad thoughts. a result of being alone.

After all, I think i can have quite a clear picture of who i can turn to in times of need: children of god, ppl of genuine characters and personalities, and who regards me as their friend.

The journey in ACJC, in cca, in relationships and academic work is super rocky and weird this year. I don't study as someone who knows his work thoroughly, or rather, I study as a person who has no clear idea of what he is doing. At first, it was really hard to cope as people look at the fact that I'm a scholar and expect too much. And when I get low grades, i always carry a big shame as I cannot do as well as other scholars.

Well, as a foreign student, I'll start building up myself again.

In CCA, there were times I don't really know what is going on, sometimes I loved it really much, and there were times I just want to quit. I could not comprehend why were things must be that way. However, what a teacher told me the other day struck me "After two years here, you will look back and understand why we did it that way!"

Actually, I think they all have a purpose and a vision for everything. Maybe right now, I don't know the picture they have envisioned for the CCA, so I keep having negative thoughts about it. But who knows! CCA has actually taught me a lot, whether good or bad, it has made me grow no matter what. And one thing I must say, I've learnt that the arts in singapore is really suffocated, the SYF award is not about how good you are, or how much you put your heart in it, but HOW MUCH YOU FOLLOW THE RULES.

That is one thing I can't stand about Singapore.
Everything is so structured and planned and devised and mapped out, to an extend that everyone is basing his life on rules. It's really SUFFOCATING.
Well, when in Rome do as the Romans do, i'll have to just live with it and accept it.
Vietnam has her own problems too.

Back to CCA. I have met some really unique people in choir. In my entire life, though not long =], I've crossed paths with friends with very special personalities and mindset and passion. It's really fulfilling to talk to those friends. Sometimes I get super irritated by them, but somehow, I managed to squeeze their names in my list of "People Don will never get mad with".

Ha ha. Yah. I ACTUALLY mapped out that list in my brain. 3 names are inside it.

I've learnt too, that it's really good to be a close friend of someone you admire =] It's way way much better than the boyfriend - girlfriend thing, which I don't think I'm old enough for. I love it when I can be a good friend with the person I admire.

She is a really cheerful girl =]

About teachers, I have learnt one thing only on the last day of school. I've been thinking teachers are trying to breath down my neck. But what mdm Tham told me on friday morning really struck me "Don! Don't say sorry and look away! I'm not even accusing you! We are not breathing down your neck!"
So basically, I've been scared of teachers for the wrong reasons. They just wanted to help me.
Still, my PW tutor is so scary for the last few sessions. He has the gift of making people feel humiliated and stressed.

now comes the part about ACJC. Well, i neither hate nor love it. But a lot of my friends prefer their first three months college. Well, good thing Singapore is abolishing that really ridiculous PAE. I mean, during that time, relationships are blossoming, ties are becoming stronger, emotions are being rippened, and BAM, O level results come out, friends scatter all over. People form cliques in their new school, people feel bitter, people long for their old school, scholars turn sad and go back to their country...

Well, give it a try. I think there are nice teachers here, interesting and unique friends, THE PIG AND CHICK stall, iced-milo bottle for 1 dollar, A LOT OF funds to help students financially, CIP oppotunities, ARTS WEEK, PERFORMANCES - AEWF, RITMOS ACUSTICOS, KRONOS, RESTLESS, BAND, WESTSIDE STORY BANGBANG ARABIAN NIGHTS, sexy LT 4, smelly viewing gallery, sexy pools, super smelly and expensive gym, sexy dance studio, and there used to be a sauna in the toilet too =p
ha ha. well, due to those above, acjc is not so bad for me.

about FAITH. well, right now, I don't think I am a christian anymore. But sometimes, when something good happens to me, I uttered "Thank God!" When I eat something, I say grace. Well, I really have no idea who else can i be thankful to. Really.

Though I think God has unfair and twisted plan plan for me, I think I'm still a survivor in that plan of His. What about those tsunami victims? what about those inside the Twin Towers when the two planes crashed? I'm still alive. I must fight.

I am too negative. I think badly about everything that has to do with me.
Well, that must change too.

Well, a lot of people told me to change my mindset, sylvie and josh are among them.

ha ha. thank you.




and whoa. you must be a really good friend of mine to read until here [^.^]